Another Musical based fic...

*The words have been drained from this pencil,
Sweet words that I want to give you,
And I can't sleep,
I need to tell you goodnight...* [You- Evanescence]




Silly stories, poems and e-mails from her heart poured into her notebook. Mostly about him, and she'd wanted so badly to share it with him. Calling him one evening with the express thought of finally sharing her thoughts, yet he'd wanted something different.




"Arianna, I need to be honest with you about my feelings." That was how it had begun, she who had felt so comfortable around him, had to hear him say to her that he didn't see her in the way that she viewed him. He told her a line that she had heard so many times yet it hurt so much more coming from him. Yet this time unlike the others she didn't cry, she had prepped herself for it. She'd had a week away from him to think on it, on him and had instinctively known what was sure to come. Yet she had been so optimistic that she hadn't been real and true to herself.




*You used to captivate me...
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams,
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me,* [My Immortal- Evanescence]




She awoke in a sweat from the dream of her running so fast from him and the heartache she knew would come that all around her became a blur. In the end she fell to her knees crying as he approached her. She was afraid that he would tell her that he didn't see her the way she saw him, or even worse that he saw her the same way and she awoke and realized that it was but a dream. She was tired of it, she wished that his face and his words didn't haunt her each time she closed her eyes. Yet it did.




*Has no one told you she's not breathing,
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to,
Hello!
If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake
From this dream
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken
Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide,
Don't cry.* [Hello- Evanescence]




She sat on her bed and talked to her best friend and realized that to him all she could be was dead. She never wanted to share herself with anyone ever again, yet she knew that she wouldn't feel like closing off from all men for too long. Yet at times she wished that it had been a dream, or he had just found someone new, or that at least he had lied to her. In her heart it didn't feel as if it was all true. But she would walk away head held high, still perfectly whole.




*Suddenly I know I am not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday* [Hello-Evanescence]




As she got up the next morning she realized that it was not a dream, it had happened. He had told her in essence that she was not his dream girl and that he thought that she had something missing. Yet she was still herself and would always be...




*Rain outside my window pouring down,
What now your gone....
Now it's too late to turn it around...
I guess this time it really is goodbye.* [I'm Sorry- Craig David]




With fingers flying across keys she remembered her last conversation with him.




"Well I guess we ga link later" she said softly to him as she hung up the phone. That was it, the end.



She knew that she would never call him again for as she'd told her Diary the other night they could either be two of Deborah Cox's songs "How Did You Get Here" or "We Can't Be Friends". She guessed that they were the latter. She hurt so much but she knew that she would get over it. Someday she knew he would look back and think on the night the way she did but what he would take of it she didn't know...